The one thing I wanted to talk about today is growth. And having a realization that I'm actually acting like an adult.
You turn 18 and the world says you're legally an adult but when I turned 18 I was in an upside down tornado (vortex?) trying to keep my head above water and just a big idiot. Seems like the story for most of us.
Since Aaron and I have been dating I've seen that adult me pop up more and more. Usually when we are talking about the future and mostly when we are fighting. But the point of this isn't Aaron and I today it's just about me, so let's keep that in mind okay?
Since Aaron and I got together I've cut a lot of dirt out of my life that didn't need to be there. When you first start dating someone any guy who was talking to you because he (whether you knew or not) wanted to get with you disappeared. Easy peasy. I didn't even have to do a thing. The other thing is to embrace the long term friendships that you have. I have extremely close relationships with about 4-5 people and for me that's enough. I stopped trying to make friendships work that just weren't me.
I've also become closer to God. Aaron and I are both Christians and having someone support my faith was so desperately needed in my life. It's not perfect, but having someone who not only supports me going to church but wants to go with me helps me keep me seeking Christ in my personal relationship with Him.
I've also found this huge well of self-confidence. Crazy? Yes I know. I decided I wasn't going to take BS from anyone and I meant it. I've also become strong enough to know what it means to protect my happiness and strong enough to take steps necessary to do so. If something is no longer positive and helpful for me, I have every right to walk away. I can try to fix it as much as I want to but bottom line I can always walk away. I'm persistent in the pursuit of relationships but I realized in the past I didn't know how to let go when I should've. I didn't think I was strong enough and didn't care about myself as much as I deserved.
Perhaps the biggest realization came recently when I was on a work trip and something went wrong with Aaron and I. I was with my group of RB girls and they all wanted to go out for our last night before we made the 4 hour drive back home the next day. I made a rule before I ever took a drink when I was younger and it was simply, "don't drink when you're upset". Being a daughter of an alcoholic, everyone tells you that you are going to become one. My reaction to that was always a firm no. So I made that rule and have always followed it. My coworkers were encouraging me to drink with them and go down to the bar to talk to these guys they met earlier, but I just knew it wasn't a good idea for me. I was really upset, hurt, and didn't want to put myself in a potentially compromising situation. Upset and drunk is never a good idea!!! Especially around men ladies!!!! So I got comfy and crawled into bed and went to sleep. I woke up with the biggest realization I've had in such a long time. "I'm growing up!" It was a really sad, depressing way to figure this all out and hopefully it'll be better (I don't know yet) but it opened my eyes because I feel like people focus on growing up as infancy through high school but we are always still growing up, still learning, still exploring, still being pushed to stick to our boundaries, and that, through the good and the bad, is fantastic.
Not all of this is a result of Aaron and I dating. I fully realize that but relationships do make you learn about yourself just as much as you do about the other person.
