21

It is late and I just finished doing my homework and I should be going to bed but I can't go to bed without writing this post. Its been living in my brain this whole week and always seemed to start writing itself before I could sit down and get my thoughts out. Reflections. Memories. So much has changed since last year. I read my blog post about turning 20 and it literally brought tears to my eyes. The biggest thing that hit me is that I said I knew I wasn't ready to turn 21 yet. Now here I am, a year later, 21 years old. Am I ready now? I always felt like I just kept making more mistakes as every year went by and largely in my point of view that has been true. However, we cannot make judgments on decisions that were and needed to be made at that point in time. For some of them, yeah they were totally mistakes and I shouldn't have done that, but for others they were decisions that needed to be made then and there, and they were decisions I made at that specific moment with what was best for me at that moment. It's been a long year for me but right now I cannot explain to you what this deep happiness, this joy inside of me feels like. Things are not perfect, nor do I expect them to be, but they are pretty damn good right now. So now I'm 21.

I don't know where I'm going with my life right now and I'm definitely not close to settling down. I know that this is the year I'll graduate with my first degree and that's about the only firm thing I know right now. I don't know about love, I don't know what's going to happen. My only goal is to have this peace of mind, this happiness amidst all things unhappy, to stick around. I think the biggest thing I'm realizing is that yes, I have all these things I want for my life, and they'll get to me eventually, just like October 24 will keep coming year after year.

Day in the Pearl

So Elizabeth has been my best friend since I was in the 6th grade. She pulled me out of my awkward homeschool vibes and helped me be who I am today. I love this girl and it has been insane to see all the work God is doing in her lately. She was only here for a couple days but every time we see each other we pick up right where we left off. I can't wait til she comes home for Thanksgiving.

 Our lovely trio, Beth, me, and Elizabeth

I have always loved the pearl district in portland. It has such a distinct feel and I can't wait to shoot more photos there. 

Been Awhile

I know its been quite a long time since I've posted anything. The last time I wrote I was in SA, and now I'm back in Portland and definitely back at life again. I would like to say that SA was everything I'd hoped it would be but that would be a total lie. Did I accomplish everything I wanted to while I was back there though? Yes, without a doubt. It was a bit more painful and dramatic than I had planned but I got through it and I'd like to think I came back a different person, but the biggest changes in my life have been happening recently. You know when something just clicks in your head and you wonder why you were doing what you were doing? I mean, no wonder I was so unhappy these past few months, and I don't think that was due to just one thing, but everything in its own way contributed to my decision to choose being sad and ignorant over being joyful. So I have no pictures really to share of SA, but I have pictures and things to share over what's been up recently. Which are two huge things right now, first, moving out to the suburbs, and second, my new job with Red Bull.

I think this is the first apartment in four years that I teared up a bit when I walked in. Its not in the best location, or the best condition for that matter, but the moment I walked in, I couldn't help but think that this place was mine. I have loved my new home from the very beginning. From the large amount of storage space that is unusable, the metal step that broke the day I moved in and has yet to be fixed, to the squeaky soft floor that makes noises as Aspen runs to go get his tennis ball, (of which I'm sure we have at least 10 of by now), which I'm sure drives our neighbors crazy. This place is mine and I am absolutely head over heels about it. 

Queen size bed and he takes up the whole thing. 

I know the handwriting is crappy, but the quote is divine. I think it sums up my future year in this apartment which is also my senior year of college. I want to live deeper and have a more meaningful life than I ever have before, and I feel like slowly I'm starting to get into that more. Here's to the future and to being happy!

[Yes, that's Krewella!!!]

So red bull...I work for them now, and so far its been an amazing experience. I'm learning so much about myself and the people around me. I have been so incredibly blessed with amazing coworkers who have instantly become my friends. One of my first couple days on the job one of the guys shook my hand and said, "Welcome to the family". That is such an incredible feeling, let me tell you. No matter what, each job has its ups and downs but just to start off on such a fantastic note is truly amazing. I know God has definitely placed me in this position to challenge me and to help me to grow. It is exactly where I need to be right now. From the very beginning of applying for this job I've always said it was "A God thing" of how it just fell together and worked out even with my time away in SA where most companies would not have hired me over, and it continues to be something He controls. 

iPhone pics.

Bathtime with the pups. Don't they look so happy?

One day I'll get into the heeled tennis shoe craze, that day wasn't it though. 

My bio 207 class runs from 6:40-9:30pm. It takes approximately two cans of Red Bull to stay awake for it. 

Yes, this is a cat. Not a cat-rat hybrid thing. Its naked. On purpose. And it totally looks like its going to kill me. Oops. Saw this fella when we stopped at my coworker's friend's place in Eugene. Its a creature to say the least. 

Diggin my outfit. Nordstrom's and Aritzia are my favorite. 

Printed leggings! The best. Finally found a pair I love. 

My favorite quote lately has been "Each day is a day of decisions and our decisions determine our destiny" -Elder Nelson 

I love it because it is so true. 

Sorry I was gone for so long, promise it won't happen again!