21

It is late and I just finished doing my homework and I should be going to bed but I can't go to bed without writing this post. Its been living in my brain this whole week and always seemed to start writing itself before I could sit down and get my thoughts out. Reflections. Memories. So much has changed since last year. I read my blog post about turning 20 and it literally brought tears to my eyes. The biggest thing that hit me is that I said I knew I wasn't ready to turn 21 yet. Now here I am, a year later, 21 years old. Am I ready now? I always felt like I just kept making more mistakes as every year went by and largely in my point of view that has been true. However, we cannot make judgments on decisions that were and needed to be made at that point in time. For some of them, yeah they were totally mistakes and I shouldn't have done that, but for others they were decisions that needed to be made then and there, and they were decisions I made at that specific moment with what was best for me at that moment. It's been a long year for me but right now I cannot explain to you what this deep happiness, this joy inside of me feels like. Things are not perfect, nor do I expect them to be, but they are pretty damn good right now. So now I'm 21.

I don't know where I'm going with my life right now and I'm definitely not close to settling down. I know that this is the year I'll graduate with my first degree and that's about the only firm thing I know right now. I don't know about love, I don't know what's going to happen. My only goal is to have this peace of mind, this happiness amidst all things unhappy, to stick around. I think the biggest thing I'm realizing is that yes, I have all these things I want for my life, and they'll get to me eventually, just like October 24 will keep coming year after year.