wings babes

This summer was a good summer to be on the Wings Team. It is crazy to think that in the past 6 months I've been to San Francisco, Pendleton, Washougal, and Seattle. I love these crazy girls and it is such a blessing to work with all of them. 

 

Oh what a summer it has been.

Graduation

I did it. I graduated.

It took 4 years, 3 major changes, one petition, one deadline appeal, and boom. 

I have a bachelors degree in sociology. 

It really was such an exciting day. I wasn't originally planning on walking but my dad came to town so I did. It was a long day and involved a ton of coffee but it was a great day. 

It was the best having Aaron and my sweet mama there to share the day with me. My mom has supported me since day one and Aaron has been such an important part of helping me get through this last year of college. There were so many times when I was over it and wanted to give up but he was there every step of the way. 

Now I have to find a job. 

The good & bad

So I've shared a lot of happy stories about Aaron and I since we've gotten together but all of you know relationships are far from perfect. Ours is no exception.

The one thing I wanted to talk about today is growth. And having a realization that I'm actually acting like an adult. 

You turn 18 and the world says you're legally an adult but when I turned 18 I was in an upside down tornado (vortex?) trying to keep my head above water and just a big idiot. Seems like the story for most of us. 

Since Aaron and I have been dating I've seen that adult me pop up more and more. Usually when we are talking about the future and mostly when we are fighting. But the point of this isn't Aaron and I today it's just about me, so let's keep that in mind okay? 

Since Aaron and I got together I've cut a lot of dirt out of my life that didn't need to be there. When you first start dating someone any guy who was talking to you because he (whether you knew or not) wanted to get with you disappeared. Easy peasy. I didn't even have to do a thing. The other thing is to embrace the long term friendships that you have. I have extremely close relationships with about 4-5 people and for me that's enough. I stopped trying to make friendships work that just weren't me. 

I've also become closer to God. Aaron and I are both Christians and having someone support my faith was so desperately needed in my life. It's not perfect, but having someone who not only supports me going to church but wants to go with me helps me keep me seeking Christ in my personal relationship with Him. 

I've also found this huge well of self-confidence. Crazy? Yes I know. I decided I wasn't going to take BS from anyone and I meant it. I've also become strong enough to know what it means to protect my happiness and strong enough to take steps necessary to do so. If something is no longer positive and helpful for me, I have every right to walk away. I can try to fix it as much as I want to but bottom line I can always walk away. I'm persistent in the pursuit of relationships but I realized in the past I didn't know how to let go when I should've. I didn't think I was strong enough and didn't care about myself as much as I deserved. 

Perhaps the biggest realization came recently when I was on a work trip and something went wrong with Aaron and I. I was with my group of RB girls and they all wanted to go out for our last night before we made the 4 hour drive back home the next day. I made a rule before I ever took a drink when I was younger and it was simply, "don't drink when you're upset". Being a daughter of an alcoholic, everyone tells you that you are going to become one. My reaction to that was always a firm no. So I made that rule and have always followed it. My coworkers were encouraging me to drink with them and go down to the bar to talk to these guys they met earlier, but I just knew it wasn't a good idea for me. I was really upset, hurt, and didn't want to put myself in a potentially compromising situation. Upset and drunk is never a good idea!!! Especially around men ladies!!!! So I got comfy and crawled into bed and went to sleep. I woke up with the biggest realization I've had in such a long time. "I'm growing up!" It was a really sad, depressing way to figure this all out and hopefully it'll be better (I don't know yet) but it opened my eyes because I feel like people focus on growing up as infancy through high school but we are always still growing up, still learning, still exploring, still being pushed to stick to our boundaries, and that, through the good and the bad, is fantastic. 

Not all of this is a result of Aaron and I dating. I fully realize that but relationships do make you learn about yourself just as much as you do about the other person. 

the beach

The End is Near

So this is my last term of undergrad, four years, coming to a close. I have to tell you there is so much that has changed and grown since I first started college at the young age of 17. I'm only 21 now, but I have to say that I've changed more in these 4 years than I ever thought was possible.

I had dreams and goals when I started college back then. Well maybe more questions.

What degree am I going to get?

Am I going to like college? PSU?

What am I going to do after college?

Will I make friends?

Will I find the guy I'm going to marry? 

and I guess my dream was just to be happy, and the fear was what if that didn't happen. 

So now it's four years later and I know the answer to a few of those questions.

Sociology. 

Yes, sometimes you'll like PSU more than others, but for the most part you liked it.

Yeah...after college is still up in the air but that's okay. 

Friends come and go, but finding ones that stick with you through thick and thin is what will get you through. Thanks Kristi, Elizabeth, and Maleah for being that for me. 

And maybe? Who knows? But if he's the right guy its definitely not how I had planned it.

Am I happy? Without a doubt yes. 

The point of this post is that nothing went how I had planned, throughout the past 4 years that's about the only thing I can count out is that my plans will change, modify, or be cancelled altogether and that's okay.

My main goal above everything was to finish school, and I'm so glad to say that I'm about to accomplish that.

If you asked me four years ago if I'd be sitting where I am right now, living where I am, working where I am, dating the guy I'm with, I would've said you're crazy. Yet through all this pure chaos I've come out of it a better woman and a more Godly woman than when I've started.

Can't sleep, can't eat.

Just over a week ago I got my wisdom teeth pulled. All four of them, plus two baby teeth (yes, adults can still have them) and let me tell you it wasn't as bad as some people told me but it wasn't as good either. I am so thankful for my mom who picked me up from the oral surgeon's office as I was barely functioning and took me to her house where I spent the next 5 days on her couch. I was a total chipmunk and my mouth just ached. Now I'm back to my normal routine but still not back to normal. My right side of my mouth is still swollen and sore but every day it gets better. I'm starting to eat normal foods again but thanks to the meds nothing tastes the same which if you know me is a huge bummer. I love food. I love all food. Pretty much. The good part about being lazy for a week and being a chipmunk was being able to sleep. Dead week and finals week were killer for me, not because of the tests but because I started having nightmares again. Not just your normal boogeyman nightmares but scary, incredibly vivid nightmares and now that I'm only on ibuprofen, they have slowly started up again. It's a struggle because I love sleeping but it makes it so hard to fall back asleep or fall asleep in the first place. I'm thankful for my faithful pup, Aspen because it's comforting knowing I have him at my feet but sometimes that's not enough. So I end up tired and sometimes pretty freaked out. The weird part about all this is that this used to happen to me when I was stressed out, but I haven't really felt that stressed in awhile. I've actually been really happy even with getting 6 teeth pulled and having to miss a work event. 

The happiness is due to many things, Jesus, my family, Aaron, my friends, my coworkers, and just believing in myself for once. I think people underestimate the power of self esteem sometimes. It's so powerful. I see myself so much differently than I did a year ago and I'm so thankful for that. I feel like I've gained my strength, focus, and clarity back. I'm centered, confident, and just joyful. I never thought I could be this content with so much uncertainty ahead of me. All thanks to Jesus! 

Not everything has been rainbows and butterflies though, that's for certain. I know I write about a lot of great things on here but there have been trials too recently. Tests in my newly renewed faith, realizations about the way I used to live my life, and tests with my relationship with Aaron. It is only through trials though, that we can experience growth. We can't just sit and cry about our situation or the past, the past is there it's done, but the future lies before us ready to be molded by our choices. That is why we have to choose to press on and have faith that God's plan for us is so much better than anything that we can dream up, or the past that keeps knocking at our front door. It has taken me a lot of pain and sorrow to realize this but I have and I believe in it with all my heart. 

So here I am in my last term of undergrad ready to keep going, even if I'm half asleep. 

Hair Frenzy

Okay so my relationship with my hair has always been sort of, a love-hate type of thing. Its thick and coarse, and also wavy/curly. So while it does hold a curl without the need of hairspray, its frizzy, too thick at times, and just a fight to the death every morning. Well not really, but you get the idea. So recently I've had to put my hair cut off for three weeks longer than I wanted to and I'm already past my 8 week trim deadline. As much as I hate heat styling, my job right now pretty much requires it so it goes without saying that my hair is kind of in a helpless state right now. So I decided to share with you the things I've been doing to give my hair a break these last two weeks before it decides to give up on me.

My standard hair routine is no shampoo/conditioner. I use baking soda and ACV, and most of the time my hair loves it. It stays non-greasy longer, and it just styles better. I usually let it air dry, then style it, then it can pretty much make it for 3-4 days without my help. For in-between, I use Suave's dry shampoo. I'm in love with this stuff, it's cheap, it works, and it doesn't smell bad. WIN. On days when my hair needs a pick me up, I use coconut oil to deep condition my hair.

But. Last weekend. I did the whole coco oil thing and it didn't work. Or at least not to my satisifaction. My hair was sooooo dry and sooooo brittle. It hurt to brush it and just mess with it. I wanted to go to the salon so bad! But I am religious with who I allow to cut my hair so waiting another week for Jenny? Worth it in my eyes. So what's a girl to do with this? I went to Target, and knowing I had a $1 off coupon for Loreal products, I wandered over to that part of the aisle and found this little gem.

Okay so the 1 year of damage in 1 use thing? I don't know if I buy that, but I put some of the product in dry hair (I've never been one to follow directions), and added some of my coconut oil to it and let it soak in my hair for about 20 mins before hopping into the shower. After that I shampooed my hair with my usual baking soda routine and then added this puppy as my conditioner and let it soak into my hair for a good 5 minutes. I rinsed it out focusing almost all my attention on the roots, and then voila! Finished. I let my hair air dry as long as possible before drying it with the blow dryer (I was going out, okay?), and then let it just be its curly wavey self. 

The results? I'm glad you asked. 

My hair feels sooo much better. I'm all for the natural no chemicals thing 95% of the time, but this stuff mixed with my coconut oil gave my hair the healthy boost I needed until my hair cut (which thank goodness is on Friday!). So yes my hair may now be thrown off by the chemical filled mask I used to condition my hair, but it doesn't feel like it is literally going to break in half. Which for me, I think, means success. 

Sicky Bloggy Evening//Be Mine

Last weekend was a blast. I had the best Valentine's Day a girl could ever ask for. Friday morning I got coffee with Aaron on his break from work, and then had to go do some school stuff so I didn't see him until he picked me up for dinner. We went to dinner at Outback, which is literally 5 minutes away from my apartment. It is so funny because the vast majority of the time, we usually eat in Portland at local places so it was just different to go to a place like Outback. I have to say, that was the best service I've had at a restaurant in a long time. Dinner was amazing. We ate, we laughed, we enjoyed being together. It has been two months of being together and I can't imagine being with anyone else. Just the amount of love that has existed in our relationship from the beginning and continues to grow as the days pass. It is just great. Saturday we went on our first road trip to Bend for the night and made a stop at 10 Barrel Brewing. My favorite brewery hands down after that trip. My favorite beer is called Pray for Snow, and of course, its a seasonal beer. I finally have a favorite and its something that isn't offered all year around. Aaron tells me that it means that I just have something to look forward to at Christmas. He's great. Our relationship is something that I can cherish and I never want to take that for granted. I didn't realize how much I wanted someone that believed the same things I did until I met him.

He's my best friend without a doubt. 

Be. Mine.

A.M.S.

pray for snow. 

I haven't been feeling 100% lately, and I think that's largely due to the fact that school is definitely stressing me out and driving me nuts. Which is totally counterproductive because it makes it hard to do my homework and study and just live in general. I hope it gets better. I just can't wait to be done. I am so done with school! One more term! Wednesday I register for my last term, and I can't wait to run my degree audit and just have it say DONE. Well it won't say done, but pretty much. Aaron has been so incredibly supportive of me in my schoolwork and it makes me feel so encouraged. I love it. I am so thankful for his love and support right now. It just makes me so hopeful and excited for the future, even if there are a lot of changes ahead. 

Late Night

It is way too late for me to be blogging but I can't help it. It is on my brain. So many incredible things have happened over the past week, and I mean that in every sense of that word, Incredible. It snowed in Portland. Can you believe that? The last time it snowed I was in high school, and here I am being snowed in my apartment in 2014. I was so grateful for the time off to just relax and make endless Panera Bread runs with Aaron, we had so much fun playing in the snow, taking pictures, and just enjoying each other's company. One thing I have noticed since we have started dating is we have a tendency to talk, a lot, like excessively, like thank goodness we aren't in high school because we would most definitely get in trouble for it. I love that, I absolutely do because we are never finished getting to know each other. There is always something else we can talk about. Monday, February 10th, Aaron turned 28. The start of what he grudgingly refers to as his "early-late twenties". I'm sure a lot of people question our 6 year gap that exists between Aaron and I and to that I say, yes it is bigger than most couples, but who am I to argue with what works? And this definitely works. He has my heart, and I have his, and God has both of ours. After that, age is just a number. I am so grateful that I got to share this birthday with him and his roommates. It was definitely a great day. This week I also got my nose pierced again! Just a lil stud, nothing extravagant of course, but it was great having Aaron and my co-worker there for me for some moral support. Wait til my family sees....eek. Haha. Third times the charm? We will see. Friday is Valentine's Day and I would love to say that we are doing something very romantic, the truth is I'm not sure what our plans are for this weekend, but I will definitely let you know. Maybe keep your fingers crossed for us this weekend. Either way, with him by my side, I could care less what we do. I think we definitely celebrate loving one another every day of the week. Next weekend I meet his parents!

Aspen's first snow!

And he absolutely hated it.

I mean he HATED it. 

eskimo kisses. eek I just love him. 

 My cousin made berry cobbler. Can you say the most perfect snow day treat?

Just some Aspen snuggles. Best way to start the day. 

I LOVE my job sometimes. Puppies? Yes please. 

28 has never looked so good. Until it's my turn, that is :) 

Just a lil something. Love having my nose pierced again.

My life feels like its going a billion miles/hour right now but its okay I can handle it because of the amazing people and support I have right now. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me.